Ten Things Thursday…a day late. Sue me.1-Last week I went to the kitchen at work and got out my chicken, broccoli and gravy to heat up in the microwave. I opened the lid. I turned towards the microwave and promptly dropped the entire meal on the floor of our breakroom.
Five second rule? Yup. I’m not above eating dirt. Mama was starving. I cleaned that shit off the floor quicker than a criminal running from the cops so that no one would see that I was about to eat food off the floor at work.I’m so classy. Yes?
2-My second grader has homework every night. I’m about to shank the teacher in the leg with a fork. Homework sucks donkey tits.3-My seventh grader has a game or practice every night which means we sometimes don’t walk into our home until 7pm. And there’s homework and baths and suppers and all that shit. For the life of me – I do not understand how any parent manages more than two kids. I’m not kidding. I bow down to you. And I also bow down to the Gods above who created Hot Pockets. They were supper about 4 times last week. Eat your heart out, Betty Crocker.
4-My Dad asked me for two pictures of my girls for his toolbox at work. I nearly lost my shit right there because I wanted to do the ugly cry. A simple request to so many….immense beyond measure to me considering our history.5-I made a goal to declutter our house and my life lately. I have a 2 page list of what this entails. I sat Rambo down and showed him said list and told him I “need” to do this to feel better about things. He agreed to help. Cue the copious bags of stuff that I don’t use or need that will be thrown out this weekend. I cannot wait. The organizer in me is giddy about doing this.
6-October rocks. Why? Well mostly because it’s my birthday MONTH. In our family – you get a birthday MONTH. Rambo started it a long time ago for me and I do it for my girls now. Every single day of their birthday month they get to pick from a bag of presents.
Now listen – these are not big presents. Most cost $1.00 or less. They are things like candy bars, a notebook, a fun pen, a fancy cup, a pack of Oreos, stickers, etc. All things that the birthday person would love. Banana loves it. She sticks her hand in that bag forever - feeling around - trying to pick out just the right thing.Rambo is kicking ass this year for me as well. I got a little owl Happy Fall hanging, a very cool Bucky Badger foam hand thing for my car, my favorite candy a few days and even some of my favorite Sharpie pens in cool colors. I can’t remember the rest but it’s super fun.
Without a birthday – no one would be here and being here is the thing I love most about my girls. That I have them. And I will celebrate that all month…not just one day.7-Speaking of birthdays…Banana told me her arm hurt the other day. She claims it is because it is her birthday month so she is having a growth spurG. I don’t have the heart to tell her it’s a growth spurT.
8-I recently carved pumpkins last week for the first time in my entire life. Have I mentioned I’m a bit unworldly? This is just more proof. Never owned a Barbie doll, never been on a roller coaster or a ferris wheel, never flown….and the list goes on. I was raised to be afraid and paranoid of most things and it’s a daily struggle to fight that with respect to trying new things.9-I’m seriously considering trying the no-poo method for my hair. Any of you do this? It’s essentially never using shampoo or conditioner on your hair ever again and only washing once a week or so. Off the cuff – it sounds like something a homeless person would be forced to do – not something you’d want to do. However – if you do some research, you’ll find that about 99% of people swear by it and the movement gains more followers every day.
10-Rambo’s birthday month is coming up and I’m trying to figure out and plan his daily presents. So far this is what I’ve come up with. Day 1 – picture of my left boob. Day 2 – picture of my right boob. Okay – fine – let’s be honest. I’ll probably use a picture of a nice, perky, huge boob from the internet and pass it off as mine (20 years ago). Then Days 3-30, I’ll put 28 thongs in a bag and have him pick one a day. Donezo. Men are just so simple-minded, don’t you think?