2 – When I was working out downstairs the other night, Banana found a spider on the ceiling and went dramatically nutso (I have no idea where she gets that.) I told her to go get her Dad to save her from the terrifying
Next thing you know – here he comes – being dragged by her little hand and he kills the spider. She says, “Daddy, you’re my hero.” They went back upstairs and I thought to myself – THAT – was just the definition of a father. A spider killer. A hero. Every single little girl or boy on Earth deserves that kind of faith and trust in their Dad. It’s a simple spider killing – but not so simple to the girl on the treadmill who never had that for herself.
3 – You guys are never going to believe this but I think Podunk has something that big cities have already. It’s called FOD – Fitness On Demand. Have you ever heard of it? I guess it’s the newest, latest trend for gyms. It’s kind of a computer-y thing on the outside wall of a room and it allows you to pick from TONS of types of workouts. Yoga, abs, light, medium, heavy, zumba, and duration and instructor and everything. You punch in what you want – walk in the room – a big screen lowers – and viola! Instant fitness of any kind on demand. No waiting for instructors. No extra cost. Kind of cool, huh?
4 – I can’t stop eating Starbursts. I cannot wait until the mother heifers are all gone. And no – I cannot simply give them away or throw them away. I cannot even believe you’d suggest such a thing.
5 – Do any of you watch Jerseylicious? Um. I’m addicted. The higher the hair, the closer you are to Heaven. Enough said.
6 – Rambo weighed in today. He lost 10.5 pounds in January! I told him when he hit his first 10 pounds, he’d get a reward. And dammit, now I have to follow through on that. No – I will not tell you what the reward is. This is a family show. Kind of.
7 – My kids are old enough now that they don’t really have enough toys to warrant having a toy box anymore. I’m not sure whether to be happy or cry about that. They are also old enough to know if our door is closed, we are probably doing the horizontal mombo and knowing that they know that drives me crazy. They are old enough to know what it is and therefore, we have to be careful. I am absolutely positive I want to cry about this. It sucks donkey balls.
8 – I have to work a full 8 hours this Saturday doing an audit for one of the PT jobs. I have to be in a room with 2 auditors (aka stranger danger) for a whole day. I’m covered in hives just typing that. Jesus Cripes (that’s the son of Gosh by the way) – why must I be tortured so? Thank God they pay me out the ass to do such a thing. It is the only consolation. Dreaming of the mounds of shoes I can buy with that money.
9 – For the first time in my life, I need a new car but I don’t want a new car. Cars are dumb. I mean they are necessary to get me where I want to go but I’m so over paying for them. I used to think I had to have a brand new SUV because it’s a status symbol in our town and I was a follower but now? Dumb. I seriously want to drive my current SUV until it dies. I’ve owned it longer than any other car I’ve ever had because I usually trade often…until my mindset changed and I cared less about cars. Rambo – being the
10 – Valentine’s Day is coming and Rambo already has my present because he won’t shut up about it. He’s such a child when it comes to gifts. He runs around singing, “I got your gift already.” So now I’m freaking out. I don’t know what to get the boy. I mean there’s the ‘ol standy gifts – like lingerie and stuff – but I want something unique and fun and special. The man deserves gold on a platter. He called me skinny last night when I jumped into bed. I may or may not have cried like a baby. Don’t judge. Just give me some cool ideas, mkay? (Please do not tell me to buy a star and name it after him.)