Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Suck it 2013.

2013 did one thing for me.

Cemented my deep hatred for odd numbers.  Especially 13.  I’m sure a shitload of happy and good things happened in 2013 – however – if you ask me about 2013, the only things that I can remember are what happened at the end. 
During Thanksgiving, I said goodbye to one of my favorite Uncles who was in his lower 50s while he could still hold my hand and talk and tell me he loved me.  A few days later, I cried as they played taps and buried him as his 4 young children and wife lost their shit.

On Christmas Eve, I went Christmas caroling.  For the first time ever.  On one of the coldest days of the year.  On the porch of a friend who was inside – a few feet away – now 80 pounds and dying.  He was 32.  My brother’s classmate.  I haven’t seen my brother in two years and the day I see him – I stand next to him singing Christmas carols for his classmate as he sobs.
I never want to Christmas carol again. 

He died 3 days later.  Some of the last words he ever heard were those of an entire town outside on Christmas Eve only a few feet away from him – knowing he would soon die.  It was heartbreaking and amazing all at once.
About a week before that, my closest friend and her boyfriend of EIGHT years broke up.  Yah.  A week before Christmas.  F*cking fantastic, right?  Holding her while she sobs and hangs on to me for dear life are two things I’d rather never do again.  If I never have to see her hurt like this one more time – I’ll be okay with that.

So there ya go!  Aren’t you happy I came back to blog just to tell you all that happy shit above?  Nah – you’re actually thankful and happy I chose not to write during that shitty time, right?  I mean it’s Negative Nancy times 1000.  It’s also life.  Sometimes you just can’t sugarcoat it.
I’ll tell you one thing though.  People dying too soon and sickness and sobbing and hurt like I’ve never seen sure make you seek out and long for and notice the little, good things in life – and hold on to them with an iron grip.  Pain like that makes you hold your children tighter and hug them an extra time or two.  Hurt like this makes you remember why you pray and that the only real thing you can believe in is some higher being having some kind of plan because trying to reason it out on your own will drive you insane.

Please – bring on 2014.  Bring on anything that takes me further away from the pain in the end of 2013. 
Suck it odd numbers.  I’ll never like you.  Period.

9 comments:

MandaPanda said...

I'm so sorry you've been through all of that. 2014 is bound to better...there's nowhere to go but up. :)

angel shrout said...

Yikes that is a lot to have to deal with. As far as the caroling bittersweet that is what that was. Look at it like this your voices opened the gates of heaven and gave him a glimpse of the glory set before him. It gave him peace in the midst of a nasty storm and the ability to walk on water with Jesus holding his hands and the voices of those who loved him the waves that carried him. Bittersweet.

tz said...

oh I am so sorry! that was a lot and all at once! 2014 will be gREAT in comparison!

Sarah Kopf said...

That's a very heavy load on your shoulders, my friend! Here's hoping things are better this year! xo

Sarah
www.thinfluenced.com

Loving Life by Leesa said...

agreed, 2013 was a rough year! Here's to hoping 2014 is a much much better year!
Hugs & Happy New Year!
Leesa

Joanna said...

Wow, I'm so sorry this all happened to you. I don't even know what to say. Except, 2014 is going to be an AWESOME year!

Sandy said...

Yup. 2014 will be better. Just you wait.

Anna said...

Oh my goodness. Hugs to you, your brother, your town, your friend, everyone. I know so many who had absolutely shit-tastic 2013s. Sending nothing but good vibes for a 2014 that kicks 2013's ass!

Dinnerland said...

Happy New and fresh year. I never thought about it being a '13' year, I don't have that particular superstition, but I knock wood and say "kinehara' (to avoid the evil eye / Jewish)…
But '13 was fucking shit for me too. My father got diagnosed with malignant lung cancer spread all through his brain on February 3rd, and despite every attempt we made to save his life, died on March 31st, 2013. Hmm: 3/31/13-- that's one for a numerologist!!!!
Anyhow: suffice it so say- good riddance to 2013.