Wednesday, April 9, 2014

A new weight loss option. Sort of. Ish.

Last night I was laying in bed staring at the ceiling cursing the mother-f*cker that invented Doritoes when I had this weird thought.
In regards to weight loss surgery, why hasn’t anyone had their taste buds removed?  Now – don’t start throwing insults at me and tell me that there are zillions of taste buds in one mouth – because there could be.  I have no "medical" idea.  Let’s just say there are zillions or just a few and we'd figure that out later.  Why hasn’t someone invented a surgery to remove them or render them useless….like they can’t taste anymore?
Aren't taste buds like gall bladders?  Are they even necessary to our health and well-being?
Can you imagine?  A piece of broccoli would taste the exact same as ice cream or cake.  Asparagus the same as a swiss cake roll.  An apple the same as a chip. 
Do you think this would fix anything?  I wonder if I eat for the texture and the chew and the feeling of certain foods – regardless of taste.  I mean eating a piece of broccoli certainly feels way different than crunching down on a chip or letting ice cream melt on your tongue – but would I care if none of it had taste?  I seriously don’t know.
If I had never tasted food (like born with no taste buds), then I wouldn’t know what I was missing but if you took away my taste buds now – I’d have to have an all-out grief-fest over the loss of tasting things like pizza.
Literally – food (one would hope) would become just about being body fuel. 
No joy in cake or cookies or candy because you can’t taste it. 
Then I thought for someone like me who is a really picky eater – it could be even simpler than disabling my taste buds through an invasive surgery.  I need to invent a way to make every food taste the same on its own – via the food itself.
Like there’s a little machine you put cake in with broccoli and voila! – once they come out – they taste the same.  For picky people like me - this would be great.  The ONLY veggie I eat is broccoli.  I can't handle the taste of any others.  This would be a solution for me.  I'd eat shitloads of veggies because I wouldn't be able to "hate" the taste.
I do the absolute best at losing weight when I have little to no variety.  Even when not dieting – I eat the very same things over and over and over.  I rarely try new things.  Do you?
I know many, many diet gurus out there that scream -  “Mix it up!  Try something new!  Experiment!  Use different flavors and seasonings!” 
For me?  That is a gateway to wanting more.  If I literally have eggs for bfast and chicken, broccoli and brown rice for lunch and a rotation of a couple different meals for supper – I kick ass.  I know what I’m going to get and so do my mind and taste buds.  If you throw a piece of high-flavored anything in my mix – my tongue wakes up and realizes what it has been missing –
and WANTS MORE.
Consistency for me works.  Some call it boring as hell but variety just makes my brain want to try more variety, I guess. 
Sooooo – if I had a tiny machine like a microwave that I could throw everything I eat into and it made it all taste exactly the same….I wouldn’t care if it was Doritoes or carrots.  All the same to my mouth and mind.  Just very different for my health and weight.
Wouldn’t cravings disappear?  What would you crave when your head and mouth know that even if you get it – it tastes like everything else?  Wouldn’t you stop eating before you’re stuffed because it doesn’t keep tasting better and better?  And it’s boring so why keep eating when it’s just fuel?
People would go to grocery stores for health foods because why not?  They taste the same as junk food but your blood pressure and cholesterol go down.  People would go out to eat at restaurants for the ambience, the romance, the people, laughter and conversation….because the food wouldn’t be the focus anymore. Would that be such a bad thing?
Can you imagine it?  It could never happen.  Some grocery stores and restaurants would cease to exist because every restaurant’s food would taste the same.  Only the location and price and service would differ.  Chefs wouldn’t have jobs.  There wouldn’t be a point.
If you literally had the chance to stop tasting your food – would you?  Would you remove your taste buds if it was possible?  How life-changing would that be?  You could still smell and see and feel the differences in foods – but no taste difference.
These are just the stupid things that go through my head when I’m cursing junk food Gods.
Have no worries.  My ass will still be on the treadmill tonight running. 
Cuz I still got taste buds.  And I freaking use the shit out of them.

4 comments:

Beth Ann said...

It is definitely an interesting thought. I think, though, I would be very sad not to taste, so I can't get past that fully enough to really imagine it.

Jewlz280 said...

Nope. Not giving up taste! And funny enough, I like variety in food and it's what helps me to stay on plan. I eat pretty much everything in moderation as long as I track it. BUT... knowing I can have whatever, I tend to eat the same things over and over. HA! I guess because of ease of convenience.

angel shrout said...

but the danger that lies is that your body could not tell if something was bad either. Like someone could poison your food and you would never know.. yeah never thought like that did ya// and the fact that I did suddenly disturbs me greatly lol...

BeckyAnne said...

Get nose plugs, like for swimmers. Amazing how little you can taste if you can't smell. (Don't try clothespins. They hurt too much. Don't ask me how I know.)