Tuesday, September 6, 2016

I almost died. Sort of.

I certainly had plans to keep blogging like a maniac last week until my woman parts decided to betray me and unleash the wrath of Satan upon my world. 

Oh fine.  Slight exaggeration...but not much.  Wednesday came with almost passing out, almost vomiting, pain, fever and chills.  I was pretty sure my appendix was trying to come out but after shoving about 80 tools IN or ON me and 6 hours later they told I had an ovarian cyst. 

A 1cm ovarian cyst.  That knocked this girl - that has a high pain threshold - on her ass for about 4 days.  I was convinced that I was dying.

Wowser.  Can you imagine being that tiny and having that much power?  Kinda reminds me of my vagina. 

Anyway, all is well with my world again - which means I can walk upright and move without moaning in pain.  The holiday weekend was filled with a big pool party at our house and football games and going, going, going.  It was super fun except I hadn't been eating much since the ol' cyst episode so I've been pretty exhausted. 

I do recall at one point calling Rambo hundreds of miles away in his semi and doing the ugly cry on the phone with him.  I'm pretty sure the only thing he knew was that it was his wife.  Other than that - I made no sense between the sobs.  I'm sure he loved that phone call.  I'd try to feel sorry for him for putting him through that but his insides weren't exploding inside him so my compassion meter wasn't high at that moment.

So there you go - I report that I have nothing to report.  This week is filled with volleyball games and meetings and blah blah blah because school is officially and totally back in.  I'm so excited that I'd usually do cartwheels but after last week I'm not so sure everything is attached inside me so I'll wait on those.  Mkay?

Later gators.

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

My middle name is Nerd.



Let me tell you – the only thing good about Mondays is Monday night – when in just a few hours it’s Tuesday.  While I know it’s a completely psychological thing, I also truly believe Mondays blow more than any other day.  My proof is in that after a long day yesterday, Rambo called and said he was going to sleep in the semi.  Cue the “I miss Daddys” and “when will he be home thens”…and me in a corner in the fetal position.  

Yup.  26 years later and one night without Rambo hurts my heart.  I laid in bed thinking, “My God – I feel like my heart actually physically hurts I miss him so much…perhaps vodka is in order to knock yourself out and not continue feeling such thoughts.”  But I survived.  Crisis averted.  The man is home tonight.

Completely off topic but do you know what I’m obsessed with lately?  Bullet journals.  Oh my God in heaven people!!  Google bullet journals and just look at images.  The colors, the drawings, the washi tape – OH MY!  Uh-dick-ted. (that’s addicted in slow motion)  I track habits, moods, savings, prayers, gratitudes, daily challenges, to do lists, etc.  Do any of you have one?  They’re the new rage in paper planning.  Yes.  My middle name is Nerd.  Go with it.

Also – get this?!  I’m trying a new diet to prevent migraines and I haven’t had chocolate in over 30 days.  Now get back up on your chair and keep reading.  Over 30 days.  I’m sure that never, ever in my life has that ever been done before.  It’s quite astounding.

I bought an acupressure doo-hickey-thingy recently too to see if it helps my migraines.  It’s a mat and pillow with tiny little spikes all over it that you lay on.  It’s like acupuncture but it’s acupressure.  Most likely because sending a mat with actual needles all over it would be a bitch to package up – someone invented this mat with tiny spikes in it that FEEL like needles.  It hurts (kind of a lot) at first but within minutes it stops hurting and you feel tingly and I kind of love it.  20 minutes a night and I’ll be healed forever.  Or something like that.

Alright, I’m rambling.  I’ve got Mountain Dew to suck down and Skittles in my future so I must go.  

Until tomorrow,

Monday, August 29, 2016

Weekend Recap...



How in the hell did I ever blog every Monday?  I mean writing requires thinking and that’s just something I’m not good at on Mondays.  Or ever if I’m being honest.  

Coming off of a great weekend doesn’t help with the Monday blahs in the least.  I had one of those weekends where you catch yourself about 6 times a day taking a physical step back and thinking to yourself, “Damn.  This life I have is amazing.  How blessed am I?”  I mean nothing major happened and it didn’t need to….

Rambo had recently been working something like 40 some days 14 hours at a time without a single day off.  That’s a looonnnnggg time without one day of non-work.  However, this weekend he was off the whole 2 days and it was glorious.  We went for a bike ride.  Swam in the pool.  Ate pizza.  Played Monopoly.  Sat outside in the swing and talked to the neighbors.  Worked outside.  Etc., etc., - you get the picture.  We were a family doing normal family things and it felt everything but normal.  It felt like what I always had dreamed of.  It’s what I wish for everyone in this world.

Today my oldest daughter is having a boy over for the first time.  In my house.  Without us there.  My other daughter will be there so that’s as good as any parent since she feels it is her duty in life to watch her older sister like a hawk so she can tell on anything the older one does wrong to me when I get home.  It’s pretty weird that it doesn’t really bother me.  I kind of thought it would but I’m happy for her.  And also glad the tattle-tale is on standby.  

The real bonus is the house gets cleaned because God forbid any boy ever thought we lived in a house of dust bunnies.  Cripes.

I feel like it’s going to take me a while to get into this blogging thing again.  I remember I used to always think, “Man – my life is boring – how does anyone read this crap?” - and wouldn’t you know??? – 2 years later and I still think that.  Some things never change right?  

Except the size of my ass.  That changes A LOT.  

Until tomorrow….

Thursday, August 25, 2016

I'm Still Crazy.



Hi there!

Long time, no talk huh?

I’d love to just start writing where I left off with no explanation but I feel like I kind of owe myself an explanation.  I can’t call myself any kind of writer when I haven’t been to this space in 2 years.  I also can’t exactly explain my break.  It was never planned.  I just stopped…which is really sad considering I started this blog as a diary and memory garden for my girls to some day have and for me to look back on as well.  I lost a lot of precious memories by not journaling here daily for them…and for me.

I’ve looked at this space a million times in 2 years.  I’ve tried to write that many times as well but the words never came.  This space and who I used to be in it aren’t the same anymore…and 2 years later – I finally accepted that.

Two years later and my hands feel like typing and my head feels like spilling.

So yah – I’m going to be a jackhole and just pretend like I was never gone and just pick up where I left off.  Pretending is fun.  It’s a lot like taking baths in Skittles, you know?
I mentioned things have changed and boy, have they!  I think I’ll do a little summary of where we are in the fam so I have a starting point.

As for me, I’m different but the same.  I still have one full time job and 2 part time jobs…all at the same places.  I still feel too deep, over-analyze too much and drink way too much Mountain Dew.
Rambo is a whole different man.  If you remember – he was a Correctional Sargent in a super max prison and had been for most of our marriage.  He kinda hated every minute of it and despised that his wife and his girls were threatened almost daily….so he left that job.  Holy batshit, right?  I mean who leaves a job after 15 years!?  He did and we did as a family.  He went a whole 14 days before he found a full time job that he loves more than I love unicorns.  And let me tell you – I love me some unicorns.  He still has his 3 other part time jobs and for the love of God – just got offered another PT job.  The man isn’t bored that’s for sure.

Watermelon is now in high school AND will get her license in a few months.  She’s in 10th grade this year and heavily active in sports and a million other things that I can’t keep track of but she’s a good kid.  We haven’t had any issues with her or her grades/friends/boyfriends/etc….and I’m pretty sure it’s because everyone who knows her knows Rambo and every boy in her class is scared of him.  Last time Watermelon had a pool party he told one guy in her class that he has a collection of knives and he’s so skilled at using them he could castrate a fly with one of them.  Yup – not kidding.  She’s a lucky girl, huh?

Rambo’s will power is being tested pretty often with her though because somehow she ended up being a beautiful girl and there’s no shortage of boys at our house daily.  It’s pretty funny if you ask me.  Payment for the sins of Rambo’s youth I say.

Banana is in middle school now which means she’s in sports now too.  I have officially entered the part of my life where I have two kids in everything and most days I can’t tell my head from my ass.  So far so good with her too though.  Good grades and good friends and stays active.  I wish I could say there haven’t been boys in her life yet but *sigh* - dammit if she didn’t turn out pretty too.  How the holy hell did I get two athletic, pretty girls?  It’s going to be the death of Rambo and I.
As they get older, they are gone more and more and while I miss them, I have enough hobbies of my own to keep me from sobbing in a corner.  I still landscape and craft the shit out of everything.  Got a bug in my ass to paint all the red exterior brick on our house one day and did that.  I decorate and re-decorate the mantel and foyer every month like some old lady with 90 cats.  And I was just recently informed that my house will be in the line-up for an upcoming flower garden tour and a Christmas tour so I’ve been stressing about that for a couple months now.  Let the lists begin!

The best thing though is that my best friend in the entire world is getting married next year and I’m the Matron of Honor.  Best reason ever to lose weight, right?  No way am I going to be the biggest person up there on that altar!  So yah, journaling and working out are part of my daily routine now too…and I love it.

Whew.  There you go…the run-down of 2 years in a few paragraphs.  Kind of sad the things I left out or lost because I just didn’t feel like writing…but I’m here now and committed to continuing this memory journal.

For the record – I still take baths in Skittles.  Daily.  I still fart gumdrops on the good days and more often than not, I still live in Care Bear Land where everything is a puffy cloud and every problem in the world can be fixed with a Care Bear stare and Mountain Dew comes out of the faucets.
I mean you didn’t really think that somehow in just the span of 2 years that I suddenly lost all my crazy and became sane did you?  

That would take way more than 2 years.  Just sayin’.